Putting "Can't" Before "Won't"

It has been a year, to say the least.

The past year has provided many different thoughts, experiences, and ideas along the way; so much so, that the idea of sitting down to write about any one of them is overwhelming. But when I was recently asked to write a piece for musicians looking to enter the field of music education, one topic came to the forefront of my consciousness.

One of the greatest lessons I've learned in my time in education so far is the difference between "can't" and "won't": 

"Won't" is when a student makes a choice to not participate in their learning. They may be consciously avoiding it or unconsciously distracted, but ultimately, they are disengaged for reasons within their own control. 

"Can't" is when there is a roadblock in the way preventing students from engaging in the learning process. These are students who have larger struggles, out of their control, preventing them from effectively engaging in learning. 

You've likely encountered both types of students along the way. Maybe even both/multiple in the same classroom. 

Especially as a young teacher trying to get a grasp on classroom management skills, it's so easy to assume that students who don't participate do so because they "won't" rather than "can't". Talking, playing on phones, falling asleep, doodling, reading a book, doing homework, you name it... if they weren't participating, it was because they were choosing not to, or because they made a poor choice earlier in the day resulting in a lack of participation. And what happens? We become instantly triggered, defensive, and feel affected in that moment. Perhaps the rest of the day. (Or week... or year...)

But what if there was something actually in the way? Not just a "I forgot my instrument" sort of roadblock (still in their control), but another, deeper reason. Particularly in the midst of learning during a pandemic, there are lots of possibilities as to why a student may be disengaged: a text message saying a relative has gone to the hospital. A recent job or business loss. Processing and grieving someone who has passed on. Anxiety. Depression. The list goes on and on... and the global pandemic we are still navigating only adds more onto an already exhaustive list.

Please know: not every student who isn't participating is a "can't". There are plenty of "won't" students and situations still out there. Some who "won't" on purpose, and some who shift between "can't" and "won't", constantly leaving you guessing. But regardless of where the student and situation falls, we can still show grace and build trust with all our students if we start first with "can't" before moving on to "won't" by stepping back and asking:

"Are you ok? Is there an emergency?" 

It's hard to do this. It takes a lot of thought, awareness, and energy, all of which are on short supply, particularly as a young teacher. It's also challenging during periods of remote learning when you can't see, hear, or do anything to get any feedback from students while teaching. (Especially if you can't even tell whether or not they are on the other side of the Zoom screen.) 

But by starting with "can't", we show students we care about them first, and it gives the student the opportunity to respond and own their actions before making any further assessment. If they are a "can't" and there is a road block or emergency, then we are there to help them address it and get the support they need in that moment. If they are a "won't", the simple act of checking in shows that their well being is our first concern, builds trust, shows grace, and brings a greater sense of awareness to learning. (I've noticed I am less likely to have to ask a distracted student to put their phone or the homework away again, especially if I ask multiple times.) However, when it does continue to happen multiple times (typically accompanied by eye rolls and/or sighs of frustration), the mounting evidence can lead to a more productive conversation about why it's happening. 

Ultimately, starting from a place of care and consideration is far more productive and better for everyone's mental health than assuming otherwise; even when you have to ask a hundred times a day.