The Circle

It's been 136 days since students last met together in the band room at SCHS.

My struggle right now isn't unique. There isn't a band student or director out there who isn't also struggling with the realities of our current world. I'm angry and hurt for our students who are being robbed of these experiences when their time in high school already goes so quickly. On a personal level, I miss my students and their live sounds. I miss engaging with my school community in person. I miss the communal experience of rehearsing. The vast majority of my summers on this Earth have been filled with music making in large groups. Today, I remember them each fondly as well as mourn my first August without music since elementary school. 

There’s nothing we would love more than to be able to come together and make music again. There is much healing and humanity in the arts that we NEED right now. 

In moments of heaviness like this one, I find some sense of light and comfort in our Circle.

"The Circle" is a tradition in the Cougar Marching Band that occurs at the beginning and/or end of each performance. Our first Circle of the year typically happens at the end of Band Camp, after coming together as acquaintances at the beginning of the week and leaving as teammates forged together through long hours of rehearsal, overcoming the heat and challenges of putting a show on the field over the course of a few days.  When we assemble our Circle, everyone forms one large circle, crosses arms, and holds the hands of the people on either side. We take the time to be present in the moment, reflect on the hard work we've done up to that point, focus on what we have ahead of us, and celebrate our complete ensemble. After savoring the moment, our drum majors pass around a hand squeeze that circulates the entire group in silence. Once it makes its way back to the drum majors, we reaffirm:

Heels Together.

Toes Apart.

Stomach In.

Chest Out.

Shoulders Back.

Chin pride.

Chin Pride.

Chin PRIDE.

From the beginning, we discuss how Our Circle, much like our ensemble, is not complete if there is even one person missing. Our performance, our show, our band is not completely unless each and every person is present to do their part, and pass the squeeze. Each and every person has a unique set of coordinates, plays a unique role in our complete performance, occupies their own space. We do not have extras, stand-ins, or a bench from which additional players can step in if someone is gone. Although our circle may evolve over the years as students come and go, the fact remains that we are at our best when each and every person in our group is included and does their part.

We need everyone to be at our best. 

Our band is not complete if anyone is missing from our Circle.

There are very few things in this world that would cause me to pause from teaching and sharing music with others; Preserving life is one of them. This virus does not care how our hearts may break. It doesn’t care how many performances, events, or celebrations we may miss. If we are not cautious, it will demolish our Circle the same way it has torn families and communities apart worldwide. We must have a safe, healthy environment for us to gather and practice our artistry. If we do not, we risk our own incompleteness. As much as my heart may break from not seeing students right now, my heart breaks more at the idea of anyone missing from our Circle.

So for now, I sit, I reminisce, I cry, I get angry, I mourn, I stare at a computer screen of equally sad faces (or worse, black screens with names) and I deeply long for the day when we will meet, play, and pass the squeeze again. I have no idea when that day will happen or what our Circle may look like. But when the time finally comes, I do know it will be a true blessing to come together and finally bring this moment in history to a closed, full-Circle.